


Just like watching Emmerdale

by BiPagan



Category: British Comics RPS
Genre: Community: goth_detectives, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-15
Updated: 2009-11-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 20:19:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiPagan/pseuds/BiPagan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Authors:  bipagan and taeli</p><p>Written for: goth_detectives challenge interpreting Russell Brand's quote: "It's really good but I feel guilty, like I've been touching the contents of Julian Barratt's fridge."</p><p>Disclaimer: This is total and complete fiction.  Unfortunately we don't know these people or what they actually get up to, so we just like to pretend we do.</p><p>Britpicked and Beta'd by inkipink.  Thank you! Any mistakes and cheesiness are all ours.</p><p>Author notes: Russell Howard is the exact opposite of Russell Brand. He's blond, adorable, totally needs to be dirtied up a bit.  Noel feels obliged to do something about it.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Just like watching Emmerdale

**Author's Note:**

> Authors: bipagan and taeli
> 
> Written for: goth_detectives challenge interpreting Russell Brand's quote: "It's really good but I feel guilty, like I've been touching the contents of Julian Barratt's fridge."
> 
> Disclaimer: This is total and complete fiction. Unfortunately we don't know these people or what they actually get up to, so we just like to pretend we do.
> 
> Britpicked and Beta'd by inkipink. Thank you! Any mistakes and cheesiness are all ours.
> 
> Author notes: Russell Howard is the exact opposite of Russell Brand. He's blond, adorable, totally needs to be dirtied up a bit. Noel feels obliged to do something about it.

_The streets of London appeared fogged over with the souls of a thousand long dead. The haze created a false illumination, which lit a path for the wayward heart of the droll gentleman strolling through the abandoned midnight boulevard. Streetlamps offered island pools of soft luminosity, slight havens of security in a world long muffled by both despair and longing. His threadbare tweed coat and wool hat offered little warmth against the chill night air that threatened to collapse upon him._

"Er, no." Russell thinks as he shuffles his iPod from the audiobook that had just been playing to one of his music playlists and puts the device back into his jacket pocket. The pleasant sounds of the Guillemots make him smile and he begins walking towards the hotel he'll be staying at tonight. It's a perfectly clear London night and the moon hangs high and bright in the sky. A cool breeze blows through his hair and causes his jacket and t-shirt to hug his torso for a few moments. The high from making so many people laugh has him bubbling with energy and he knows it will last well into the early hours of the morning. "What a cracking gig!" he says to himself out loud as he turns into the empty alley not far from where he'd just performed. He knew this was a shortcut that would get him back to the hotel faster.

At least he thought it was an empty alley until a hand grasped his shoulder and startled him. He turns back to look at the person who touched him, one of his earbuds becoming dislodged in the quick about face, ready to run or attack if necessary.

"You have a comedy partner?" The cold question comes from a man that Russell recognises but doesn't really know very well.

"Noel Fielding? What? Were you at the club tonight? I didn't see you at the show or I would have stopped for a bit of a chat."

"Never get a partner. It doesn't work out," Noel replies as he steps closer and traps Russell against the brick wall before leaning in and kissing him. Pale hands move up Russell's arms and pin his shoulders to the wall. Russell slowly pulls himself out of shock and realizes that he would be making out with Noel-fucking-Fielding if he would just start to move his lips. Russell finally pulls himself together enough to return the kiss and despite having his shoulders pinned tight to the wall, he manages to grab at Noel's arse and deepens the kiss. Noel tastes of alcohol and sweets. The groan that emits from Noel's mouth is more than dirty, it's desperate. He pulls away from Russell enough to put a hand between them and shortly after, the younger man's trousers and pants are around his ankles. Despite the fact that he's shown the entire nation his nipples on television, Russell's never felt more exposed than he does at this moment. The cold brick wall against his arse reinforces the feeling. Noel's hand glides up and down Russell's cock as he kneels before the blond man. Russell becomes distracted from his fears that somewhere a CCTV camera is catching all this as Noel starts licking and sucking on the head of his cock.

"I've never, uh, I don't think …okay..." Russell hasn't had a good blowjob in months and Noel is doing things that no woman had ever done between his legs. Noel's wet mouth sucks hard and deep as his hand gropes Russell's balls, rubbing them between his fingertips. Russell grasps Noel's head as he moans his approval.

"I'm not going to last if you keep doing that," he murmurs.

"I don't want you to," Noel replies as he moves his head to lick Russell's balls, one hand working quickly up and down Russell's cock, the other clutching an arse cheek. "Come for me, Russell." he whispers before he once again takes the cock in his mouth. He licks and sucks the head furiously until Russell bucks and groans Noel's name.

"Noel, where have you gotten to?" The familiar trill of Russell Brand echoes through the alley.

"Flippin' hell!" Russell pushes the suckling Noel off of his cock and scrambles to pull his pants and trousers up as quickly as he can.

Noel, still kneeling, turns toward the newcomer, licks his lips and says, "Did you enjoy the show?"

"T'was your intention, wasn't it? Now come along, you naughty man, I'll get you home." Russell Brand extends his palm to Noel and pulls him to his feet. Shaking his head says, "There's no way Julian is going to believe you've only been watching Emmerdale this time."

Brand turns to the young man who shares his name, "Alright, Russell? Listen, this never happened. You won't tell Julian and I won't tell Julian." Still holding Noel's hand, Russell shepherds him back onto the street, leaving a slightly shell-shocked Russell Howard standing in the alley with music from his iPod playing into one ear.


End file.
